Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Song assassin-The Night That The Lights Went Out In Georgia.

I would like to introduce a new segment to the blog. I call it “The Song Assassin” I will find the songs with the most nonsensical and/or ridiculous lyrics, and attack them.  It’s that simple. 
My first installment is a cute little ditty called "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" is a Southern Gothic song written by songwriter Bobby Russell and performed in 1972 by his then-wife Vicki Lawrence;
Recorded in late October 1972 in United/Western Studios on Sunset in Hollywood and released less than two weeks later in November 1972, the song centers around the older brother of the narrator.  Here’s the song if you’d like to play along:
 The lyrics are as follows:

The night that the lights went out in Georgia

He was on his way home from Candletop. I was not able to ascertain where or what Candletop is.  I’m guessing a place where guys who appear in songs go.
Been two weeks gone and he thought he'd stop
At Web’s
His favorite watering hole, no doubt
and have him a drink for he went home to her We will learn more of “her” later.
Andy Wolloe said hello. 
Andy Wolloe, WO-LO
He said hi what's a doing, Wo?
Wolloe’s nickname is “WO”
Said sit down I got some bad news that's gonna hurt.
This, as opposed to the bad news that generally makes you feel fantastic!  Of course the bad news is gonna hurt.  It’s bad news, Wolloe!  Wolloe could have just said, “I’ve got some bad news”
Said I’m your best friend and you know that's right
This is where he tells him that he’s his best friend, and follows it up with “and you know that’s right.”  Who is this guy that can’t just decide on his own who is best friend is?  What is he, Frankenstein?  “Yes, I want friend! Yes, I know that’s right!  Wolloe friend!”
But your young bride aint home tonight
The bride of Frankenstein?
Since you been gone she's been seeing that Amos boy Seth
Yes, bad news indeed.  His young bride has been banging Seth Amos while he was doing whatever he does in Candeltop.
He got mad and he saw red
Andy said boy don't you lose your head
Cause to tell you the truth I’ve been with her myself. 
What?  Wolloe says in one breath, “Don’t lose your head” then follows that up with, “I’m actually hitting that as well” How does that make sense?  “Don’t get mad brother; I’m having intercourse with your wife, too.”  Yeah, that’ll calm him down.

Chorus:
That's the night the lights went out in Georgia
The title of the song.
That's the night that they hung an innocent man. 
Now this might make you think, why would hanging a man make the lights go out.  Had they electrocuted him, I could see how something like that might possibly happen depending on when in history, and where in Georgia this all went down.  And really the correct term is “hanged” right? And when they say “Georgia” do they mean the entire state?  All of Georgia suffered blackout conditions because some guy got unfairly lynched in the woods?
Don't trust your soul to no back woods southern lawyer
Cause the judge in the towns got bloodstains on his hand. 
So the reason here to not trust a backwoods southern lawyer is because the judge in the town has blood stains on his hands?  I would choose not to trust him because he’s a backwoods southern lawyer.  How did the judge get blood stains on his hands?  Did he wash up before presiding?  That would be weird to be in court and then notice that the judge has blood stains on his hands.  I would be like, “What’s up with his honor?  Did he have a really bad nose bleed and he didn’t have any Kleenex or toilet paper at first and just put his hands up there to catch the blood?  I have actually had that happen, but I’ve always made sure that the blood was washed before returning to work.  This just makes me think that he doesn’t wash his hands ever before returning to work. 
Andy got scared and left the bar.
 So Andy got scared?  How did he really envision this scenario going down?  He just told this guy that Seth Amos, and he himself were slamming his young bride while he was at good ol’ Candeltop.  Wolloe didn’t see any conflict on the horizon?
Walking on home cause he didn't live far. 
It just makes sense that Andy lived walking distance from the bar.  You see
Andy didn't have many friends and he just lost him one. 
So wait, Andy didn’t have many friends?  Go figure.  Why in the world do you suppose a stand-up dude like Andy Wolloe wouldn’t have many friends?

Brother thought his wife must’ve left town,
why did brother immediately think that his wife must have left town?  Did brother assume that his wife would predict that dumbass Wolloe, or one of the countless other village idiots that she put out for, would blow the whistle? Then I could see her leaving town and finding another friendly berg in which to have sex with all the townfolk.
So he went home and finally found the only thing
Papa had left him and that was a gun. 
He FINALLY found it.  How long do you suppose he looked for the thing?  It’s his house, and in it is the only thing that Papa had left him.  Why wouldn’t he instantly know where it was?  Hmm, now where do I usually keep the gun that my daddy left me?  Oh, there it is!  You know this stuff is always in the last place that you look.  I know you really don’t keep looking after you find something, but I’m serious.  I was not going to look anymore.  I said to myself, this is the last place I’m going to look and there’s the gun.  How do you like that?  FINALLY!  I FINALLY found it!
He went off to Andy’s house
slipping through the back woods quiet as a mouse
Now if he’s “slippin’ through the backwoods” I would think that it would be difficult to be as “quiet as a mouse.”  The slipping, I would think, might make for some noise out there near Andy’s house.
Came upon some tracks too small for Andy to make. 
“So” thought brother, “these footprints are kind of small.  They seem too small for Andy to make.  Or are they?  Maybe Andy has really small feet.  I never really looked at his feet.  Man he’s got really small feet.  I guess that probably means that Andy’s…well you know.  I suppose I do feel a slight bit better knowing that this guy was doing my old lady with smaller junk than mine.  I guess the joke’s on her.  Whore!
He looked through the screen at the back porch door
He saw Andy lying on the floor
in a puddle of blood and he started to shake. 
Whenever I heard this part of the song, I thought they were saying “Andy started to shake” which made no sense because Andy, at this point, was seemingly deceased.  I later realized it was “and he started to shake”

The Georgia patrol was making their rounds
so he fired a shot just to flag em down. 
Ok, really?  C’mon brother! The Georgia Patrol was making their rounds, and you are fully aware of their proximity.  You are holding a gun and standing over a recently murdered dude who was fornicating with your wife while you were at Candletop; and your first instinct is to fire the gun just to flag them down?  You deserve to die.  You deserve to freaking die!
And a big bellied sheriff
why do all the southern sheriffs, except Andy Taylor, have to have big bellies? grabbed his gun and said
Why’d you do it?
And when he asks “Why’d you do it?” he’s asking, “Why the hell did you shoot off the gun when we were driving by?”  You obviously knew we were making our rounds, dumbass!  I also picture the big bellied sheriff, if we are going to push the stereotype, holding a doughnut with his other hand.  He grabbed the gun with one hand, and held onto the doughnut with the other.


The judge said guilty in a make believe trial.
Why was it a make believe trial?  Who was this judge?  King Friday the Thirteenth?  Who was the defense attorney, Winnie the Pooh? Where was the judge with the blood stains on his hands?  I would guess that he conducts court that is not just imagined.  Slapped the sheriff on the back with a smile and said
Suppers waiting at home and I got to get to it. 
The wise judge spoke in a vernacular that the “big bellied sheriff” could understand.  “I’m going to eat food, big bellied sheriff.  I’ve to get to it so that I can eat it.”


Chorus 
Yes, repeat the chorus here

They hung
(I’m still pretty sure it’s hanged, though I think brother might misinterpret this purposely just to flatter himself, particularly when he compares himself to that pencil dick Andy Wolloe)
my brother before I could say
The tracks he saw while on his way
To Andy’s house and back that night were mine
.  What?  Did she get there just a bit too late?  “Wait a minute, big bellied Sheriff, the tracks he saw while on his way to Andy’s house were mine!”  She is implying that she actually WAS going to say this.  “Those were not Andy’s footprints.  Andy actually does have really big feet…and everything else.  Cause to tell you the truth; I’ve been with him myself.”  

And his cheatin wife had never left town
and that's one body that’ll never be found
You see little sister don't miss when she aims her gun 
and yes, little sister was apparently left a gun from dear old dad as well.  Little sister off’d Wolloe.  Her brother, just back from Candletop, gets executed for it.  Guy gets screwed over by his wife, his sister, and a backwoods southern lawyer.  Though the trial was make believe, his death was very real.  I don’t know who said it first, but the term, “Life’s a bitch and then you die” could not be more fitting.  Also no word on how long it took Com Ed to restore power in Georgia.